Saturday, 22 January 2011

Update #2

It's been quite a while since I updated this. I could lie and be optimistic. I could say I've been busy following up on a lead to Hannah, but that would be bullshit, and more importantly, it wouldn't get me any closer to her. So I'll be honest: I haven't been on here for several days because I haven't felt like it. The experience with Hannah's parents has left me feeling discouraged. People who used to be friends to Hannah and myself tell me I'm acting crazy, that Hannah's gone because she wants to be away from me. They say I'm practically stalking her, and I know now that her parents believe the same. None of them believe me when I tell them that she's in danger and it's not me she's running from. They won't even listen to me. In the past couple of weeks I've even given serious thought to letting the whole thing go. To letting Hannah go. I know now that was a mistake. Maybe it's paranoid of me, but I've even begun to wonder if the decision was entirely mine, or if I was being led to it somehow. That sounds so stupid now that I've written it, but I won't take it back. Hannah didn't trust me in the end. Sometimes I wonder if she was right not to.

The situation came to a head of sorts several days ago. I received a visit from two police officers. Hannah's parents' house was vandalized and, not surprisingly, her parents pointed the finger at me. Her mother claimed she'd even seen me outside that night, staring at her through the window. They have a shed beside the house and its windows were smashed in. Rocks were thrown at the house. Hannah's father found them in the grass the next morning after he spent all night hounding the police. They were just rocks taken from the side of the road, nothing special about them.

I thought maybe Hannah's parents did it themselves. They know I've been trying to find her. I suspect that someone, probably Geoff or Mark or maybe even both of them, told them I'm trying to find where she is. But the police showed me a few photographs of the damage, and one of them showed something that wasn't caused by just throwing rocks, and there's no way in hell her parents could have done this one. At the back of the house, whoever was trying to scare them left some graffiti on the wall in black paint. It was the outline of the man Hannah and I had seen in the park. The man we saw everywhere after that. The man I sti/ll dream about. He had no face, just a blank painted circle. He had no hands, just arms ar/ms that reached and faded out into nothing.

The police are satisfied that I had nothing to do with the what happened, despite Hannah's parents IDing me as the vandal. I asked them if I could have a copy of the picture of the graffiti. It was a weird question and they reacted accordingly. I know I shouldn't have done it. I think maybe they think I was just being an asshole. I'm afraid to go see it myself, if Hannah's people haven't washed it off yet, becaus I know they'll be looking for me. I'm keeping an eye on the local newspapers to see if there's a report on it.

Hannah never told her parents about the man in the suit. At least she said she didn't. I don't understand how they could know anything about it. I don't think they broke their own windows now. I know they didn't. There was someone else outside their house that night, and that someone was not me. I was nowhere near the house.

But now that I've seen what was left behind the house I can't help thinking that Hannah's mother wasn't lying when she said the person who did it looked like me. I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack any minute.

What the hell is going on?

Hannah, there's only a slight chance that you'll ever read this, but I need you right now. I need you to come back. I need you to tell me where you are so I can come to you. I don't want to be alone in this town anymore.

Saturday, 8 January 2011

Update #1

The past several days have been hell.  Our former friends, now incapable of calling me a psychotic ex to my face or on this blog, decided to show this blog to Hannah's family. In turn, they called the police. There's nothing they can do, of course. There is nothing wrong with me looking for her, especially not when they insist on inaction. There's nothing wrong with me looking for her.

I'm home finally. Will post again once I've had time to rest and get my wits about me.