Sunday, 19 December 2010

Fog and dreams

It's very foggy outside tonight. It seems like it always is lately. It's alway freaked me out a little. It's the same now, though. Before, when I was a kid, it was because you never know what might be out there in the fog, watching you.  Now I know what it is. I have seen its faceless face, its eyeless eyes.  I see it everywhere sometimes, in the thinnest branch, the tallest tree. I know it's with us all.  But I don't know what it's waiting for. I don't know why it doesn't just finish us off and be done with it.

I think maybe that's why you left. Maybe you felt like if you were alone it would come for you and would show you what it wants, even if it hurt you.  But I can't let tha/t happen.  We don't have to succumb to this, Hannah. 

I went for a walk about two hours ago. I was feeling kind of hungry, but more than that I wanted to get out of the flat. It's funny, sometimes I feel more like I'm being watched in here where I know I'm alone.  Or I should be alone, anyway. Maybe it's b\ecause of what happened before.  I didn't feel any different going out there tonight, though. The fog was too thick. Everything was so quiet, utterly silent, even. There are lots of college kids in this neighbourhood, you'd think there'd be some noise at least.  But there was nothing.  It's so cold. I could see my breath in front of me. 

Nothing happened. Somehow, I don't find that reassuring. 

I had the old nightmare again last night. At least I think it was the old one. It's weird how you start forgetting your dreams as soon as you wake up. Maybe it's because we don't really want to know what we saw.  But I remember the forest, the smell of the trees and the damp, wormy earth. The smell of something rotten underneath it all.  My heart was pounding in my throat.  There wa\s no path, no discernible way out of the woods.  But then I felt its arms its arms its arms its arms closing around me, bringing me cold closer to the darkness of its perfect fleshless body, holding me so tight.  Holding us both, Hannah. I opened my eyes and you were there with me, sinking into its embrace with me.  I don't remember what happened after that, if anything.

You know what the funniest part of it is? I was more scared when I woke up than when I was dreaming of it closing around me.  I found it almost comforting. 

What does it want from us, Hannah. 

Please find me.  Please come back to me.

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